Great article on the science behind the medical condition of “being transgender”

I will be looking at this site more when I get home tonight, but I can across this great article today that was very comprehensive and easy to understand on a lot of the different medical studies that have been done to help us understand Gender Dysphoria.

So what this means is that there is science proving transgender individuals have parts of their brain that match up with the gender they identify with. Male to female individuals have differences compared to cisgender males that coincide with cisgender females. Most importantly this is before any hormone treatment was received.

The fact that the brain and the genitals develop at different times in the womb mean that a misalignment between the genitals and brain may develop. This leads to either an intersex condition or a transgender individual.

Anyway, check out the article!

http://transgenderuniverse.com/2015/12/09/the-origins-of-the-transgender-condition/

Two Years on T

 

It’s been two WHOLE years since I first stuck a needle in my leg, injecting what has been a life-saving medicine into my body. The changes have been subtle, noticeable only because of documentation of the process, but the biggest changes have been on the inside. Even beyond the inner chemical and hormonal changes, the life experiences I’ve been able to accept and come to terms with have completely changed my life. I didn’t realize how much I had repressed, hidden away (never to be dealt with), and ignored.  I haven’t been able to completely accept and get over all that I’ve been through, not even close, but I am well on my way. 

Life isn’t over yet, its a struggle each day to just keep going, but the good news is I’m not beaten yet! Some things get easier, some things get better, while some seem to get worse and harder. I couldn’t go back to how my life was 5-6 years ago. It wouldn’t work. A lot of people in my life don’t understand how serious the importance of being able to transition is, don’t understand how life-or-death it really is. Call me dramatic all you want. The majority, if not all, of transgender people can tell you their experience with how serious it is. I’m lucky to be such a strong, stubborn person. There is no doubt at all in my mind that I have survived to this point in my life by very narrow margins. As it is, there are sometimes when I’m lucky to make it to the next day. 

There are days when I get so angry and frustrated with myself, convinced that I’m “behind” in life. I have no college degree and by now, had my life been slightly different, I’d have my Masters degree. And thousands of dollars in student loans. And a completely different life. I’m not where I am today because of stupid mistakes, or my own failures. I’m where I am today because life dealt me a different hand. I didn’t get any ordinary hand of cards, but a very unique and particular selection that is going to make all the difference in the long run. I haven’t failed, I’m not “behind” everyone else, I’m on a different path. And I don’t care if you like it or not.  

Wentworth Miller Talks About Coming Out, etc.

This video is extremely touching and relevant. He talks about being in survival mode at age 5, 10, 15. When you’re in that mode there isn’t room for “community, us, and we”.

“You only cry for help if you believe there is help to cry for. And I didn’t. I wanted out. Gone.”

I haven’t tried to kill myself yet. Can’t tell you why not, though. Chance, I believe. I’ve been in survival mode my whole life. I can’t ask for or accept help when it comes to me potentially, even for a short period, being dependent on anyone else. Some call it independent. I call it independent. The truth is, I’m damaged. Broken. Wentworth tells my story, to some degree, better than I could. Besides being one of my favorite actors from one of my favorite shows.

One Year, Five Months.

One Year, Five Months on T

Some things have changed a lot over the last year and half, and some things haven’t at all.

I feel better, I look better, I think better. Overall, my quality of life has greatly improved, which just makes the negatives so much more obvious and exposed to the light.

Facial hair is continuing to come in faster, thicker, and in more places, (I suspect in a year or two I’ll be able to rock a full beard), the good news is that the acne is calming down on my face, and in general. still a bit on my shoulders / chest / back, but not very much. Hair is coming in on my shoulders / top of my back but not really on my chest. I don’t think I’ll end up a furry beast (thank GOD), but you do never know.

Pre-T

I finally look better with short hair. This is good news, because I used to look completely silly with short hair. Well, maybe just still “female”. Either way, I think that I look much better, now.

Things that haven’t changed so much are in the family end of things. Before Thanksgiving, they were e-mailing me trying to get me to commit to letting them come down to visit in February. I guess I should rephrase, this has changed a little bit. Before, they would “ask” if it was okay, and when I said no, regardless of why or how forcibly I replied, they would show up. Fly 2,000 miles, stalk me at my work for 6 hours, and not take no for an answer. It seems like they are taking me more seriously, this time, but we’ll see as February rolls around.

When it comes to my family’s acceptance and understanding, I’ve tried to be open with them. I don’t open myself up to people in general, specifically them, but still I’ve tried to be very open and obvious with them. The problem is that they can’t accept the basic concept of who I am. They don’t get the idea of something being transgender, don’t get the idea that sex and gender are different things, don’t get the idea that people can actually be gay. Anything different from their experience is not real, the blinders they have on are insane and I can’t have people like that in my life.

So, that’s about it. I’ve been trying to get together money to legally change my name and gender identity, but the best way to get it done in Texas involves a lawyer, and the most difficult part is the $700 for legal fees, court fees, etc. I won’t have that kind of money until I get promoted, and I won’t be able to handle the months of training that come with a promotion without those things changed. Catch 22.

11 months

So many changes, just in my face. Hair is different, a lot more wavy than before HRT, hairline changed subtly, jawline changed subtly, facial hair is at a point where I have to shave every few days to look presentable. Shoulders are much “bigger”, more square.

Basically, I look like a guy. So thats good news.

All in all, I don’t have anything to report. Life is continuing like normal, nothing is changing right now except time marching by, which is fine by me. I need a break from the insanity.